GREAT EXPECTATIONS
PART 21
Chapter XL
It was
fortunate for me that I had to take precautions to ensure (so far as I could)
the safety of my dreaded visitor; for, this thought pressing on me when I
awoke, held other thoughts in a confused concourse at a distance.
The
impossibility of keeping him concealed in the chambers was self-evident. It
could not be done, and the attempt to do it would inevitably engender
suspicion. True, I had no Avenger in my service now, but I was looked after by
an inflammatory old female, assisted by an animated rag-bag whom she called her
niece, and to keep a room secret from them would be to invite curiosity and
exaggeration. They both had weak eyes, which I had long attributed to their
chronically looking in at keyholes, and they were always at hand when not
wanted; indeed that was their only reliable quality besides larceny. Not to get
up a mystery with these people, I resolved to announce in the morning that my
uncle had unexpectedly come from the country.
This
course I decided on while I was yet groping about in the darkness for the means
of getting a light. Not stumbling on the means after all, I was fain to go out
to the adjacent Lodge and get the watchman there to come with his lantern. Now,
in groping my way down the black staircase I fell over something, and that
something was a man crouching in a corner.
As the
man made no answer when I asked him what he did there, but eluded my touch in
silence, I ran to the Lodge and urged the watchman to come quickly; telling him
of the incident on the way back. The wind being as fierce as ever, we did not
care to endanger the light in the lantern by rekindling the extinguished lamps
on the staircase, but we examined the staircase from the bottom to the top and
found no one there. It then occurred to me as possible that the man might have
slipped into my rooms; so, lighting my candle at the watchman's, and leaving
him standing at the door, I examined them carefully, including the room in
which my dreaded guest lay asleep. All was quiet, and assuredly no other man
was in those chambers.
It
troubled me that there should have been a lurker on the stairs, on that night
of all nights in the year, and I asked the watchman, on the chance of eliciting
some hopeful explanation as I handed him a dram at the door, whether he had
admitted at his gate any gentleman who had perceptibly been dining out? Yes, he
said; at different times of the night, three. One lived in Fountain Court, and
the other two lived in the Lane, and he had seen them all go home. Again, the
only other man who dwelt in the house of which my chambers formed a part had
been in the country for some weeks, and he certainly had not returned in the
night, because we had seen his door with his seal on it as we came up-stairs.
"The
night being so bad, sir," said the watchman, as he gave me back my glass,
"uncommon few have come in at my gate. Besides them three gentlemen that I
have named, I don't call to mind another since about eleven o'clock, when a
stranger asked for you."
"My
uncle," I muttered. "Yes."
"You
saw him, sir?"
"Yes.
Oh yes."
"Likewise
the person with him?"
"Person
with him!" I repeated.
"I
judged the person to be with him," returned the watchman. "The person
stopped, when he stopped to make inquiry of me, and the person took this way
when he took this way."
"What
sort of person?"
The
watchman had not particularly noticed; he should say a working person; to the
best of his belief, he had a dust-colored kind of clothes on, under a dark
coat. The watchman made more light of the matter than I did, and naturally; not
having my reason for attaching weight to it.
When I
had got rid of him, which I thought it well to do without prolonging
explanations, my mind was much troubled by these two circumstances taken
together. Whereas they were easy of innocent solution apart,—as, for instance,
some diner out or diner at home, who had not gone near this watchman's gate,
might have strayed to my staircase and dropped asleep there,—and my nameless
visitor might have brought some one with him to show him the way,—still,
joined, they had an ugly look to one as prone to distrust and fear as the
changes of a few hours had made me.
I lighted
my fire, which burnt with a raw pale flare at that time of the morning, and
fell into a doze before it. I seemed to have been dozing a whole night when the
clocks struck six. As there was full an hour and a half between me and
daylight, I dozed again; now, waking up uneasily, with prolix conversations
about nothing, in my ears; now, making thunder of the wind in the chimney; at
length, falling off into a profound sleep from which the daylight woke me with
a start.
All this
time I had never been able to consider my own situation, nor could I do so yet.
I had not the power to attend to it. I was greatly dejected and distressed, but
in an incoherent wholesale sort of way. As to forming any plan for the future,
I could as soon have formed an elephant. When I opened the shutters and looked
out at the wet wild morning, all of a leaden hue; when I walked from room to
room; when I sat down again shivering, before the fire, waiting for my
laundress to appear; I thought how miserable I was, but hardly knew why, or how
long I had been so, or on what day of the week I made the reflection, or even
who I was that made it.
At last,
the old woman and the niece came in,—the latter with a head not easily
distinguishable from her dusty broom,—and testified surprise at sight of me and
the fire. To whom I imparted how my uncle had come in the night and was then
asleep, and how the breakfast preparations were to be modified accordingly.
Then I washed and dressed while they knocked the furniture about and made a
dust; and so, in a sort of dream or sleep-waking, I found myself sitting by the
fire again, waiting for—Him—to come to breakfast.
By and
by, his door opened and he came out. I could not bring myself to bear the sight
of him, and I thought he had a worse look by daylight.
"I
do not even know," said I, speaking low as he took his seat at the table,
"by what name to call you. I have given out that you are my uncle."
"That's
it, dear boy! Call me uncle."
"You
assumed some name, I suppose, on board ship?"
"Yes,
dear boy. I took the name of Provis."
"Do
you mean to keep that name?"
"Why,
yes, dear boy, it's as good as another,—unless you'd like another."
"What
is your real name?" I asked him in a whisper.
"Magwitch,"
he answered, in the same tone; "chrisen'd Abel."
"What
were you brought up to be?"
"A
warmint, dear boy."
He
answered quite seriously, and used the word as if it denoted some profession.
"When
you came into the Temple last night—" said I, pausing to wonder whether
that could really have been last night, which seemed so long ago.
"Yes,
dear boy?"
"When
you came in at the gate and asked the watchman the way here, had you any one
with you?"
"With
me? No, dear boy."
"But
there was some one there?"
"I
didn't take particular notice," he said, dubiously, "not knowing the
ways of the place. But I think there was a person, too, come in alonger
me."
"Are
you known in London?"
"I
hope not!" said he, giving his neck a jerk with his forefinger that made
me turn hot and sick.
"Were
you known in London, once?"
"Not
over and above, dear boy. I was in the provinces mostly."
"Were
you—tried—in London?"
"Which
time?" said he, with a sharp look.
"The
last time."
He
nodded. "First knowed Mr. Jaggers that way. Jaggers was for me."
It was on
my lips to ask him what he was tried for, but he took up a knife, gave it a
flourish, and with the words, "And what I done is worked out and paid
for!" fell to at his breakfast.
He ate in
a ravenous way that was very disagreeable, and all his actions were uncouth,
noisy, and greedy. Some of his teeth had failed him since I saw him eat on the
marshes, and as he turned his food in his mouth, and turned his head sideways
to bring his strongest fangs to bear upon it, he looked terribly like a hungry
old dog. If I had begun with any appetite, he would have taken it away, and I should
have sat much as I did,—repelled from him by an insurmountable aversion, and
gloomily looking at the cloth.
"I'm
a heavy grubber, dear boy," he said, as a polite kind of apology when he
made an end of his meal, "but I always was. If it had been in my
constitution to be a lighter grubber, I might ha' got into lighter trouble.
Similarly, I must have my smoke. When I was first hired out as shepherd t'other
side the world, it's my belief I should ha' turned into a molloncolly-mad sheep
myself, if I hadn't a had my smoke."
As he
said so, he got up from table, and putting his hand into the breast of the
pea-coat he wore, brought out a short black pipe, and a handful of loose
tobacco of the kind that is called Negro-head. Having filled his pipe, he put
the surplus tobacco back again, as if his pocket were a drawer. Then, he took a
live coal from the fire with the tongs, and lighted his pipe at it, and then
turned round on the hearth-rug with his back to the fire, and went through his
favorite action of holding out both his hands for mine.
"And
this," said he, dandling my hands up and down in his, as he puffed at his
pipe,—"and this is the gentleman what I made! The real genuine One! It
does me good fur to look at you, Pip. All I stip'late, is, to stand by and look
at you, dear boy!"
I
released my hands as soon as I could, and found that I was beginning slowly to
settle down to the contemplation of my condition. What I was chained to, and
how heavily, became intelligible to me, as I heard his hoarse voice, and sat
looking up at his furrowed bald head with its iron gray hair at the sides.
"I
mustn't see my gentleman a footing it in the mire of the streets; there mustn't
be no mud on his boots. My gentleman must have horses, Pip! Horses to ride, and
horses to drive, and horses for his servant to ride and drive as well. Shall
colonists have their horses (and blood 'uns, if you please, good Lord!) and not
my London gentleman? No, no. We'll show 'em another pair of shoes than that,
Pip; won't us?"
He took
out of his pocket a great thick pocket-book, bursting with papers, and tossed
it on the table.
"There's
something worth spending in that there book, dear boy. It's yourn. All I've got
ain't mine; it's yourn. Don't you be afeerd on it. There's more where that come
from. I've come to the old country fur to see my gentleman spend his money like
a gentleman. That'll be my pleasure. My pleasure 'ull be fur to see him do it.
And blast you all!" he wound up, looking round the room and snapping his
fingers once with a loud snap, "blast you every one, from the judge in his
wig, to the colonist a stirring up the dust, I'll show a better gentleman than
the whole kit on you put together!"
"Stop!"
said I, almost in a frenzy of fear and dislike, "I want to speak to you. I
want to know what is to be done. I want to know how you are to be kept out of
danger, how long you are going to stay, what projects you have."
"Look'ee
here, Pip," said he, laying his hand on my arm in a suddenly altered and
subdued manner; "first of all, look'ee here. I forgot myself half a minute
ago. What I said was low; that's what it was; low. Look'ee here, Pip. Look over
it. I ain't a going to be low."
"First,"
I resumed, half groaning, "what precautions can be taken against your
being recognized and seized?"
"No,
dear boy," he said, in the same tone as before, "that don't go first.
Lowness goes first. I ain't took so many year to make a gentleman, not without
knowing what's due to him. Look'ee here, Pip. I was low; that's what I was;
low. Look over it, dear boy."
Some
sense of the grimly-ludicrous moved me to a fretful laugh, as I replied,
"I have looked over it. In Heaven's name, don't harp upon it!"
"Yes,
but look'ee here," he persisted. "Dear boy, I ain't come so fur, not
fur to be low. Now, go on, dear boy. You was a saying—"
"How
are you to be guarded from the danger you have incurred?"
"Well,
dear boy, the danger ain't so great. Without I was informed agen, the danger
ain't so much to signify. There's Jaggers, and there's Wemmick, and there's you.
Who else is there to inform?"
"Is
there no chance person who might identify you in the street?" said I.
"Well,"
he returned, "there ain't many. Nor yet I don't intend to advertise myself
in the newspapers by the name of A.M. come back from Botany Bay; and years have
rolled away, and who's to gain by it? Still, look'ee here, Pip. If the danger
had been fifty times as great, I should ha' come to see you, mind you, just the
same."
"And
how long do you remain?"
"How
long?" said he, taking his black pipe from his mouth, and dropping his jaw
as he stared at me. "I'm not a going back. I've come for good."
"Where
are you to live?" said I. "What is to be done with you? Where will
you be safe?"
"Dear
boy," he returned, "there's disguising wigs can be bought for money,
and there's hair powder, and spectacles, and black clothes,—shorts and what
not. Others has done it safe afore, and what others has done afore, others can
do agen. As to the where and how of living, dear boy, give me your own opinions
on it."
"You
take it smoothly now," said I, "but you were very serious last night,
when you swore it was Death."
"And
so I swear it is Death," said he, putting his pipe back in his mouth,
"and Death by the rope, in the open street not fur from this, and it's
serious that you should fully understand it to be so. What then, when that's
once done? Here I am. To go back now 'ud be as bad as to stand ground—worse.
Besides, Pip, I'm here, because I've meant it by you, years and years. As to
what I dare, I'm a old bird now, as has dared all manner of traps since first
he was fledged, and I'm not afeerd to perch upon a scarecrow. If there's Death
hid inside of it, there is, and let him come out, and I'll face him, and then
I'll believe in him and not afore. And now let me have a look at my gentleman
agen."
Once
more, he took me by both hands and surveyed me with an air of admiring
proprietorship: smoking with great complacency all the while.
It
appeared to me that I could do no better than secure him some quiet lodging hard
by, of which he might take possession when Herbert returned: whom I expected in
two or three days. That the secret must be confided to Herbert as a matter of
unavoidable necessity, even if I could have put the immense relief I should
derive from sharing it with him out of the question, was plain to me. But it
was by no means so plain to Mr. Provis (I resolved to call him by that name),
who reserved his consent to Herbert's participation until he should have seen
him and formed a favorable judgment of his physiognomy. "And even then,
dear boy," said he, pulling a greasy little clasped black Testament out of
his pocket, "we'll have him on his oath."
To state
that my terrible patron carried this little black book about the world solely
to swear people on in cases of emergency, would be to state what I never quite
established; but this I can say, that I never knew him put it to any other use.
The book itself had the appearance of having been stolen from some court of
justice, and perhaps his knowledge of its antecedents, combined with his own
experience in that wise, gave him a reliance on its powers as a sort of legal
spell or charm. On this first occasion of his producing it, I recalled how he
had made me swear fidelity in the churchyard long ago, and how he had described
himself last night as always swearing to his resolutions in his solitude.
As he was
at present dressed in a seafaring slop suit, in which he looked as if he had
some parrots and cigars to dispose of, I next discussed with him what dress he
should wear. He cherished an extraordinary belief in the virtues of
"shorts" as a disguise, and had in his own mind sketched a dress for
himself that would have made him something between a dean and a dentist. It was
with considerable difficulty that I won him over to the assumption of a dress
more like a prosperous farmer's; and we arranged that he should cut his hair
close, and wear a little powder. Lastly, as he had not yet been seen by the
laundress or her niece, he was to keep himself out of their view until his
change of dress was made.
It would
seem a simple matter to decide on these precautions; but in my dazed, not to
say distracted, state, it took so long, that I did not get out to further them
until two or three in the afternoon. He was to remain shut up in the chambers
while I was gone, and was on no account to open the door.
There
being to my knowledge a respectable lodging-house in Essex Street, the back of
which looked into the Temple, and was almost within hail of my windows, I first
of all repaired to that house, and was so fortunate as to secure the second
floor for my uncle, Mr. Provis. I then went from shop to shop, making such
purchases as were necessary to the change in his appearance. This business
transacted, I turned my face, on my own account, to Little Britain. Mr. Jaggers
was at his desk, but, seeing me enter, got up immediately and stood before his
fire.
"Now,
Pip," said he, "be careful."
"I
will, sir," I returned. For, coming along I had thought well of what I was
going to say.
"Don't
commit yourself," said Mr. Jaggers, "and don't commit any one. You
understand—any one. Don't tell me anything: I don't want to know anything; I am
not curious."
Of course
I saw that he knew the man was come.
"I
merely want, Mr. Jaggers," said I, "to assure myself that what I have
been told is true. I have no hope of its being untrue, but at least I may
verify it."
Mr.
Jaggers nodded. "But did you say 'told' or 'informed'?" he asked me,
with his head on one side, and not looking at me, but looking in a listening
way at the floor. "Told would seem to imply verbal communication. You
can't have verbal communication with a man in New South Wales, you know."
"I
will say, informed, Mr. Jaggers."
"Good."
"I
have been informed by a person named Abel Magwitch, that he is the benefactor
so long unknown to me."
"That
is the man," said Mr. Jaggers, "in New South Wales."
"And
only he?" said I.
"And
only he," said Mr. Jaggers.
"I
am not so unreasonable, sir, as to think you at all responsible for my mistakes
and wrong conclusions; but I always supposed it was Miss Havisham."
"As
you say, Pip," returned Mr. Jaggers, turning his eyes upon me coolly, and
taking a bite at his forefinger, "I am not at all responsible for that."
"And
yet it looked so like it, sir," I pleaded with a downcast heart.
"Not
a particle of evidence, Pip," said Mr. Jaggers, shaking his head and
gathering up his skirts. "Take nothing on its looks; take everything on
evidence. There's no better rule."
"I
have no more to say," said I, with a sigh, after standing silent for a
little while. "I have verified my information, and there's an end."
"And
Magwitch—in New South Wales—having at last disclosed himself," said Mr.
Jaggers, "you will comprehend, Pip, how rigidly throughout my
communication with you, I have always adhered to the strict line of fact. There
has never been the least departure from the strict line of fact. You are quite
aware of that?"
"Quite,
sir."
"I
communicated to Magwitch—in New South Wales—when he first wrote to me—from New
South Wales—the caution that he must not expect me ever to deviate from the
strict line of fact. I also communicated to him another caution. He appeared to
me to have obscurely hinted in his letter at some distant idea he had of seeing
you in England here. I cautioned him that I must hear no more of that; that he
was not at all likely to obtain a pardon; that he was expatriated for the term
of his natural life; and that his presenting himself in this country would be
an act of felony, rendering him liable to the extreme penalty of the law. I
gave Magwitch that caution," said Mr. Jaggers, looking hard at me; "I
wrote it to New South Wales. He guided himself by it, no doubt."
"No
doubt," said I.
"I
have been informed by Wemmick," pursued Mr. Jaggers, still looking hard at
me, "that he has received a letter, under date Portsmouth, from a colonist
of the name of Purvis, or—"
"Or
Provis," I suggested.
"Or
Provis—thank you, Pip. Perhaps it is Provis? Perhaps you know it's
Provis?"
"Yes,"
said I.
"You
know it's Provis. A letter, under date Portsmouth, from a colonist of the name
of Provis, asking for the particulars of your address, on behalf of Magwitch.
Wemmick sent him the particulars, I understand, by return of post. Probably it
is through Provis that you have received the explanation of Magwitch—in New
South Wales?"
"It
came through Provis," I replied.
"Good
day, Pip," said Mr. Jaggers, offering his hand; "glad to have seen
you. In writing by post to Magwitch—in New South Wales—or in communicating with
him through Provis, have the goodness to mention that the particulars and
vouchers of our long account shall be sent to you, together with the balance;
for there is still a balance remaining. Good day, Pip!"
We shook
hands, and he looked hard at me as long as he could see me. I turned at the
door, and he was still looking hard at me, while the two vile casts on the
shelf seemed to be trying to get their eyelids open, and to force out of their
swollen throats, "O, what a man he is!"
Wemmick
was out, and though he had been at his desk he could have done nothing for me.
I went straight back to the Temple, where I found the terrible Provis drinking
rum and water and smoking negro-head, in safety.
Next day
the clothes I had ordered all came home, and he put them on. Whatever he put
on, became him less (it dismally seemed to me) than what he had worn before. To
my thinking, there was something in him that made it hopeless to attempt to
disguise him. The more I dressed him and the better I dressed him, the more he
looked like the slouching fugitive on the marshes. This effect on my anxious
fancy was partly referable, no doubt, to his old face and manner growing more
familiar to me; but I believe too that he dragged one of his legs as if there
were still a weight of iron on it, and that from head to foot there was Convict
in the very grain of the man.
The
influences of his solitary hut-life were upon him besides, and gave him a
savage air that no dress could tame; added to these were the influences of his
subsequent branded life among men, and, crowning all, his consciousness that he
was dodging and hiding now. In all his ways of sitting and standing, and eating
and drinking,—of brooding about in a high-shouldered reluctant style,—of taking
out his great horn-handled jackknife and wiping it on his legs and cutting his
food,—of lifting light glasses and cups to his lips, as if they were clumsy
pannikins,—of chopping a wedge off his bread, and soaking up with it the last
fragments of gravy round and round his plate, as if to make the most of an
allowance, and then drying his finger-ends on it, and then swallowing it,—in
these ways and a thousand other small nameless instances arising every minute
in the day, there was Prisoner, Felon, Bondsman, plain as plain could be.
It had
been his own idea to wear that touch of powder, and I had conceded the powder
after overcoming the shorts. But I can compare the effect of it, when on, to
nothing but the probable effect of rouge upon the dead; so awful was the manner
in which everything in him that it was most desirable to repress, started
through that thin layer of pretence, and seemed to come blazing out at the
crown of his head. It was abandoned as soon as tried, and he wore his grizzled
hair cut short.
Words
cannot tell what a sense I had, at the same time, of the dreadful mystery that
he was to me. When he fell asleep of an evening, with his knotted hands
clenching the sides of the easy-chair, and his bald head tattooed with deep
wrinkles falling forward on his breast, I would sit and look at him, wondering
what he had done, and loading him with all the crimes in the Calendar, until
the impulse was powerful on me to start up and fly from him. Every hour so
increased my abhorrence of him, that I even think I might have yielded to this
impulse in the first agonies of being so haunted, notwithstanding all he had
done for me and the risk he ran, but for the knowledge that Herbert must soon
come back. Once, I actually did start out of bed in the night, and begin to
dress myself in my worst clothes, hurriedly intending to leave him there with
everything else I possessed, and enlist for India as a private soldier.
I doubt
if a ghost could have been more terrible to me, up in those lonely rooms in the
long evenings and long nights, with the wind and the rain always rushing by. A
ghost could not have been taken and hanged on my account, and the consideration
that he could be, and the dread that he would be, were no small addition to my
horrors. When he was not asleep, or playing a complicated kind of Patience with
a ragged pack of cards of his own,—a game that I never saw before or since, and
in which he recorded his winnings by sticking his jackknife into the
table,—when he was not engaged in either of these pursuits, he would ask me to
read to him,—"Foreign language, dear boy!" While I complied, he, not
comprehending a single word, would stand before the fire surveying me with the
air of an Exhibitor, and I would see him, between the fingers of the hand with
which I shaded my face, appealing in dumb show to the furniture to take notice
of my proficiency. The imaginary student pursued by the misshapen creature he
had impiously made, was not more wretched than I, pursued by the creature who
had made me, and recoiling from him with a stronger repulsion, the more he
admired me and the fonder he was of me.
This is
written of, I am sensible, as if it had lasted a year. It lasted about five
days. Expecting Herbert all the time, I dared not go out, except when I took
Provis for an airing after dark. At length, one evening when dinner was over
and I had dropped into a slumber quite worn out,—for my nights had been
agitated and my rest broken by fearful dreams,—I was roused by the welcome
footstep on the staircase. Provis, who had been asleep too, staggered up at the
noise I made, and in an instant I saw his jackknife shining in his hand.
"Quiet!
It's Herbert!" I said; and Herbert came bursting in, with the airy
freshness of six hundred miles of France upon him.
"Handel,
my dear fellow, how are you, and again how are you, and again how are you? I
seem to have been gone a twelvemonth! Why, so I must have been, for you have
grown quite thin and pale! Handel, my—Halloa! I beg your pardon."
He was
stopped in his running on and in his shaking hands with me, by seeing Provis.
Provis, regarding him with a fixed attention, was slowly putting up his
jackknife, and groping in another pocket for something else.
"Herbert,
my dear friend," said I, shutting the double doors, while Herbert stood
staring and wondering, "something very strange has happened. This is—a
visitor of mine."
"It's
all right, dear boy!" said Provis coming forward, with his little clasped
black book, and then addressing himself to Herbert. "Take it in your right
hand. Lord strike you dead on the spot, if ever you split in any way sumever!
Kiss it!"
"Do
so, as he wishes it," I said to Herbert. So, Herbert, looking at me with a
friendly uneasiness and amazement, complied, and Provis immediately shaking
hands with him, said, "Now you're on your oath, you know. And never
believe me on mine, if Pip shan't make a gentleman on you!"
Chapter XLI
In vain
should I attempt to describe the astonishment and disquiet of Herbert, when he
and I and Provis sat down before the fire, and I recounted the whole of the
secret. Enough, that I saw my own feelings reflected in Herbert's face, and not
least among them, my repugnance towards the man who had done so much for me.
What
would alone have set a division between that man and us, if there had been no
other dividing circumstance, was his triumph in my story. Saving his
troublesome sense of having been "low' on one occasion since his
return,—on which point he began to hold forth to Herbert, the moment my
revelation was finished,—he had no perception of the possibility of my finding
any fault with my good fortune. His boast that he had made me a gentleman, and
that he had come to see me support the character on his ample resources, was
made for me quite as much as for himself. And that it was a highly agreeable
boast to both of us, and that we must both be very proud of it, was a
conclusion quite established in his own mind.
"Though,
look'ee here, Pip's comrade," he said to Herbert, after having discoursed
for some time, "I know very well that once since I come back—for half a minute—I've
been low. I said to Pip, I knowed as I had been low. But don't you fret
yourself on that score. I ain't made Pip a gentleman, and Pip ain't a going to
make you a gentleman, not fur me not to know what's due to ye both. Dear boy,
and Pip's comrade, you two may count upon me always having a gen-teel muzzle
on. Muzzled I have been since that half a minute when I was betrayed into
lowness, muzzled I am at the present time, muzzled I ever will be."
Herbert
said, "Certainly," but looked as if there were no specific
consolation in this, and remained perplexed and dismayed. We were anxious for
the time when he would go to his lodging and leave us together, but he was
evidently jealous of leaving us together, and sat late. It was midnight before
I took him round to Essex Street, and saw him safely in at his own dark door.
When it closed upon him, I experienced the first moment of relief I had known
since the night of his arrival.
Never
quite free from an uneasy remembrance of the man on the stairs, I had always
looked about me in taking my guest out after dark, and in bringing him back;
and I looked about me now. Difficult as it is in a large city to avoid the
suspicion of being watched, when the mind is conscious of danger in that
regard, I could not persuade myself that any of the people within sight cared
about my movements. The few who were passing passed on their several ways, and
the street was empty when I turned back into the Temple. Nobody had come out at
the gate with us, nobody went in at the gate with me. As I crossed by the
fountain, I saw his lighted back windows looking bright and quiet, and, when I
stood for a few moments in the doorway of the building where I lived, before
going up the stairs, Garden Court was as still and lifeless as the staircase
was when I ascended it.
Herbert
received me with open arms, and I had never felt before so blessedly what it is
to have a friend. When he had spoken some sound words of sympathy and
encouragement, we sat down to consider the question, What was to be done?
The chair
that Provis had occupied still remaining where it had stood,—for he had a
barrack way with him of hanging about one spot, in one unsettled manner, and
going through one round of observances with his pipe and his negro-head and his
jackknife and his pack of cards, and what not, as if it were all put down for
him on a slate,—I say his chair remaining where it had stood, Herbert
unconsciously took it, but next moment started out of it, pushed it away, and
took another. He had no occasion to say after that that he had conceived an
aversion for my patron, neither had I occasion to confess my own. We
interchanged that confidence without shaping a syllable.
"What,"
said I to Herbert, when he was safe in another chair,—"what is to be
done?"
"My
poor dear Handel," he replied, holding his head, "I am too stunned to
think."
"So
was I, Herbert, when the blow first fell. Still, something must be done. He is
intent upon various new expenses,—horses, and carriages, and lavish appearances
of all kinds. He must be stopped somehow."
"You
mean that you can't accept—"
"How
can I?" I interposed, as Herbert paused. "Think of him! Look at
him!"
An
involuntary shudder passed over both of us.
"Yet
I am afraid the dreadful truth is, Herbert, that he is attached to me, strongly
attached to me. Was there ever such a fate!"
"My
poor dear Handel," Herbert repeated.
"Then,"
said I, "after all, stopping short here, never taking another penny from
him, think what I owe him already! Then again: I am heavily in debt,—very
heavily for me, who have now no expectations,—and I have been bred to no
calling, and I am fit for nothing."
"Well,
well, well!" Herbert remonstrated. "Don't say fit for nothing."
"What
am I fit for? I know only one thing that I am fit for, and that is, to go for a
soldier. And I might have gone, my dear Herbert, but for the prospect of taking
counsel with your friendship and affection."
Of course
I broke down there: and of course Herbert, beyond seizing a warm grip of my
hand, pretended not to know it.
"Anyhow,
my dear Handel," said he presently, "soldiering won't do. If you were
to renounce this patronage and these favors, I suppose you would do so with
some faint hope of one day repaying what you have already had. Not very strong,
that hope, if you went soldiering! Besides, it's absurd. You would be
infinitely better in Clarriker's house, small as it is. I am working up towards
a partnership, you know."
Poor
fellow! He little suspected with whose money.
"But
there is another question," said Herbert. "This is an ignorant,
determined man, who has long had one fixed idea. More than that, he seems to me
(I may misjudge him) to be a man of a desperate and fierce character."
"I
know he is," I returned. "Let me tell you what evidence I have seen
of it." And I told him what I had not mentioned in my narrative, of that
encounter with the other convict.
"See,
then," said Herbert; "think of this! He comes here at the peril of
his life, for the realization of his fixed idea. In the moment of realization,
after all his toil and waiting, you cut the ground from under his feet, destroy
his idea, and make his gains worthless to him. Do you see nothing that he might
do, under the disappointment?"
"I
have seen it, Herbert, and dreamed of it, ever since the fatal night of his
arrival. Nothing has been in my thoughts so distinctly as his putting himself
in the way of being taken."
"Then
you may rely upon it," said Herbert, "that there would be great
danger of his doing it. That is his power over you as long as he remains in
England, and that would be his reckless course if you forsook him."
I was so
struck by the horror of this idea, which had weighed upon me from the first,
and the working out of which would make me regard myself, in some sort, as his
murderer, that I could not rest in my chair, but began pacing to and fro. I
said to Herbert, meanwhile, that even if Provis were recognized and taken, in
spite of himself, I should be wretched as the cause, however innocently. Yes;
even though I was so wretched in having him at large and near me, and even
though I would far rather have worked at the forge all the days of my life than
I would ever have come to this!
But there
was no staving off the question, What was to be done?
"The
first and the main thing to be done," said Herbert, "is to get him
out of England. You will have to go with him, and then he may be induced to
go."
"But
get him where I will, could I prevent his coming back?"
"My
good Handel, is it not obvious that with Newgate in the next street, there must
be far greater hazard in your breaking your mind to him and making him
reckless, here, than elsewhere. If a pretext to get him away could be made out
of that other convict, or out of anything else in his life, now."
"There,
again!" said I, stopping before Herbert, with my open hands held out, as
if they contained the desperation of the case. "I know nothing of his
life. It has almost made me mad to sit here of a night and see him before me,
so bound up with my fortunes and misfortunes, and yet so unknown to me, except
as the miserable wretch who terrified me two days in my childhood!"
Herbert
got up, and linked his arm in mine, and we slowly walked to and fro together,
studying the carpet.
"Handel,"
said Herbert, stopping, "you feel convinced that you can take no further
benefits from him; do you?"
"Fully.
Surely you would, too, if you were in my place?"
"And
you feel convinced that you must break with him?"
"Herbert,
can you ask me?"
"And
you have, and are bound to have, that tenderness for the life he has risked on
your account, that you must save him, if possible, from throwing it away. Then
you must get him out of England before you stir a finger to extricate yourself.
That done, extricate yourself, in Heaven's name, and we'll see it out together,
dear old boy."
It was a
comfort to shake hands upon it, and walk up and down again, with only that
done.
"Now,
Herbert," said I, "with reference to gaining some knowledge of his
history. There is but one way that I know of. I must ask him point blank."
"Yes.
Ask him," said Herbert, "when we sit at breakfast in the
morning." For he had said, on taking leave of Herbert, that he would come
to breakfast with us.
With this
project formed, we went to bed. I had the wildest dreams concerning him, and
woke unrefreshed; I woke, too, to recover the fear which I had lost in the
night, of his being found out as a returned transport. Waking, I never lost
that fear.
He came
round at the appointed time, took out his jackknife, and sat down to his meal.
He was full of plans "for his gentleman's coming out strong, and like a
gentleman," and urged me to begin speedily upon the pocket-book which he
had left in my possession. He considered the chambers and his own lodging as
temporary residences, and advised me to look out at once for a
"fashionable crib" near Hyde Park, in which he could have "a
shake-down." When he had made an end of his breakfast, and was wiping his
knife on his leg, I said to him, without a word of preface,—
"After
you were gone last night, I told my friend of the struggle that the soldiers
found you engaged in on the marshes, when we came up. You remember?"
"Remember!"
said he. "I think so!"
"We
want to know something about that man—and about you. It is strange to know no
more about either, and particularly you, than I was able to tell last night. Is
not this as good a time as another for our knowing more?"
"Well!"
he said, after consideration. "You're on your oath, you know, Pip's
comrade?"
"Assuredly,"
replied Herbert.
"As
to anything I say, you know," he insisted. "The oath applies to
all."
"I
understand it to do so."
"And
look'ee here! Wotever I done is worked out and paid for," he insisted
again.
"So
be it."
He took
out his black pipe and was going to fill it with negro-head, when, looking at
the tangle of tobacco in his hand, he seemed to think it might perplex the thread
of his narrative. He put it back again, stuck his pipe in a button-hole of his
coat, spread a hand on each knee, and after turning an angry eye on the fire
for a few silent moments, looked round at us and said what follows.