GREAT EXPECTATIONS
PART 25
Chapter LI
What purpose I had in view when I was hot on
tracing out and proving Estella's parentage, I cannot say. It will presently be
seen that the question was not before me in a distinct shape until it was put
before me by a wiser head than my own.
But when Herbert and I had held our momentous
conversation, I was seized with a feverish conviction that I ought to hunt the
matter down,—that I ought not to let it rest, but that I ought to see Mr.
Jaggers, and come at the bare truth. I really do not know whether I felt that I
did this for Estella's sake, or whether I was glad to transfer to the man in
whose preservation I was so much concerned some rays of the romantic interest
that had so long surrounded me. Perhaps the latter possibility may be the nearer
to the truth.
Any way, I could scarcely be withheld from going
out to Gerrard Street that night. Herbert's representations that, if I did, I
should probably be laid up and stricken useless, when our fugitive's safety
would depend upon me, alone restrained my impatience. On the understanding,
again and again reiterated, that, come what would, I was to go to Mr. Jaggers
to-morrow, I at length submitted to keep quiet, and to have my hurts looked
after, and to stay at home. Early next morning we went out together, and at the
corner of Giltspur Street by Smithfield, I left Herbert to go his way into the
City, and took my way to Little Britain.
There were periodical occasions when Mr. Jaggers
and Wemmick went over the office accounts, and checked off the vouchers, and
put all things straight. On these occasions, Wemmick took his books and papers
into Mr. Jaggers's room, and one of the up-stairs clerks came down into the
outer office. Finding such clerk on Wemmick's post that morning, I knew what
was going on; but I was not sorry to have Mr. Jaggers and Wemmick together, as
Wemmick would then hear for himself that I said nothing to compromise him.
My appearance, with my arm bandaged and my coat
loose over my shoulders, favored my object. Although I had sent Mr. Jaggers a
brief account of the accident as soon as I had arrived in town, yet I had to
give him all the details now; and the speciality of the occasion caused our
talk to be less dry and hard, and less strictly regulated by the rules of
evidence, than it had been before. While I described the disaster, Mr. Jaggers
stood, according to his wont, before the fire. Wemmick leaned back in his
chair, staring at me, with his hands in the pockets of his trousers, and his
pen put horizontally into the post. The two brutal casts, always inseparable in
my mind from the official proceedings, seemed to be congestively considering
whether they didn't smell fire at the present moment.
My narrative finished, and their questions
exhausted, I then produced Miss Havisham's authority to receive the nine
hundred pounds for Herbert. Mr. Jaggers's eyes retired a little deeper into his
head when I handed him the tablets, but he presently handed them over to
Wemmick, with instructions to draw the check for his signature. While that was
in course of being done, I looked on at Wemmick as he wrote, and Mr. Jaggers,
poising and swaying himself on his well-polished boots, looked on at me.
"I am sorry, Pip," said he, as I put the check in my pocket, when he
had signed it, "that we do nothing for you."
"Miss Havisham was good enough to ask
me," I returned, "whether she could do nothing for me, and I told her
No."
"Everybody should know his own business,"
said Mr. Jaggers. And I saw Wemmick's lips form the words "portable
property."
"I should not have told her No, if I had been
you," said Mr Jaggers; "but every man ought to know his own business
best."
"Every man's business," said Wemmick,
rather reproachfully towards me, "is portable property."
As I thought the time was now come for pursuing the
theme I had at heart, I said, turning on Mr. Jaggers:—
"I did ask something of Miss Havisham,
however, sir. I asked her to give me some information relative to her adopted
daughter, and she gave me all she possessed."
"Did she?" said Mr. Jaggers, bending
forward to look at his boots and then straightening himself. "Hah! I don't
think I should have done so, if I had been Miss Havisham. But she ought to know
her own business best."
"I know more of the history of Miss Havisham's
adopted child than Miss Havisham herself does, sir. I know her mother."
Mr. Jaggers looked at me inquiringly, and repeated
"Mother?"
"I have seen her mother within these three
days."
"Yes?" said Mr. Jaggers.
"And so have you, sir. And you have seen her
still more recently."
"Yes?" said Mr. Jaggers.
"Perhaps I know more of Estella's history than
even you do," said I. "I know her father too."
A certain stop that Mr. Jaggers came to in his
manner—he was too self-possessed to change his manner, but he could not help
its being brought to an indefinably attentive stop—assured me that he did not
know who her father was. This I had strongly suspected from Provis's account
(as Herbert had repeated it) of his having kept himself dark; which I pieced on
to the fact that he himself was not Mr. Jaggers's client until some four years
later, and when he could have no reason for claiming his identity. But, I could
not be sure of this unconsciousness on Mr. Jaggers's part before, though I was
quite sure of it now.
"So! You know the young lady's father,
Pip?" said Mr. Jaggers.
"Yes," I replied, "and his name is
Provis—from New South Wales."
Even Mr. Jaggers started when I said those words.
It was the slightest start that could escape a man, the most carefully
repressed and the sooner checked, but he did start, though he made it a part of
the action of taking out his pocket-handkerchief. How Wemmick received the
announcement I am unable to say; for I was afraid to look at him just then,
lest Mr. Jaggers's sharpness should detect that there had been some
communication unknown to him between us.
"And on what evidence, Pip," asked Mr.
Jaggers, very coolly, as he paused with his handkerchief half way to his nose,
"does Provis make this claim?"
"He does not make it," said I, "and
has never made it, and has no knowledge or belief that his daughter is in
existence."
For once, the powerful pocket-handkerchief failed.
My reply was so Unexpected, that Mr. Jaggers put the handkerchief back into his
pocket without completing the usual performance, folded his arms, and looked
with stern attention at me, though with an immovable face.
Then I told him all I knew, and how I knew it; with
the one reservation that I left him to infer that I knew from Miss Havisham
what I in fact knew from Wemmick. I was very careful indeed as to that. Nor did
I look towards Wemmick until I had finished all I had to tell, and had been for
some time silently meeting Mr. Jaggers's look. When I did at last turn my eyes
in Wemmick's direction, I found that he had unposted his pen, and was intent
upon the table before him.
"Hah!" said Mr. Jaggers at last, as he
moved towards the papers on the table. "What item was it you were at,
Wemmick, when Mr. Pip came in?"
But I could not submit to be thrown off in that
way, and I made a passionate, almost an indignant appeal, to him to be more
frank and manly with me. I reminded him of the false hopes into which I had
lapsed, the length of time they had lasted, and the discovery I had made: and I
hinted at the danger that weighed upon my spirits. I represented myself as
being surely worthy of some little confidence from him, in return for the
confidence I had just now imparted. I said that I did not blame him, or suspect
him, or mistrust him, but I wanted assurance of the truth from him. And if he
asked me why I wanted it, and why I thought I had any right to it, I would tell
him, little as he cared for such poor dreams, that I had loved Estella dearly
and long, and that although I had lost her, and must live a bereaved life,
whatever concerned her was still nearer and dearer to me than anything else in
the world. And seeing that Mr. Jaggers stood quite still and silent, and
apparently quite obdurate, under this appeal, I turned to Wemmick, and said,
"Wemmick, I know you to be a man with a gentle heart. I have seen your
pleasant home, and your old father, and all the innocent, cheerful playful ways
with which you refresh your business life. And I entreat you to say a word for
me to Mr. Jaggers, and to represent to him that, all circumstances considered,
he ought to be more open with me!"
I have never seen two men look more oddly at one
another than Mr. Jaggers and Wemmick did after this apostrophe. At first, a
misgiving crossed me that Wemmick would be instantly dismissed from his
employment; but it melted as I saw Mr. Jaggers relax into something like a
smile, and Wemmick become bolder.
"What's all this?" said Mr. Jaggers.
"You with an old father, and you with pleasant and playful ways?"
"Well!" returned Wemmick. "If I
don't bring 'em here, what does it matter?"
"Pip," said Mr. Jaggers, laying his hand
upon my arm, and smiling openly, "this man must be the most cunning
impostor in all London."
"Not a bit of it," returned Wemmick,
growing bolder and bolder. "I think you're another."
Again they exchanged their former odd looks, each
apparently still distrustful that the other was taking him in.
"You with a pleasant home?" said Mr.
Jaggers.
"Since it don't interfere with business,"
returned Wemmick, "let it be so. Now, I look at you, sir, I shouldn't
wonder if you might be planning and contriving to have a pleasant home of your
own one of these days, when you're tired of all this work."
Mr. Jaggers nodded his head retrospectively two or
three times, and actually drew a sigh. "Pip," said he, "we won't
talk about 'poor dreams;' you know more about such things than I, having much
fresher experience of that kind. But now about this other matter. I'll put a
case to you. Mind! I admit nothing."
He waited for me to declare that I quite understood
that he expressly said that he admitted nothing.
"Now, Pip," said Mr. Jaggers, "put
this case. Put the case that a woman, under such circumstances as you have
mentioned, held her child concealed, and was obliged to communicate the fact to
her legal adviser, on his representing to her that he must know, with an eye to
the latitude of his defence, how the fact stood about that child. Put the case
that, at the same time he held a trust to find a child for an eccentric rich
lady to adopt and bring up."
"I follow you, sir."
"Put the case that he lived in an atmosphere
of evil, and that all he saw of children was their being generated in great
numbers for certain destruction. Put the case that he often saw children
solemnly tried at a criminal bar, where they were held up to be seen; put the
case that he habitually knew of their being imprisoned, whipped, transported,
neglected, cast out, qualified in all ways for the hangman, and growing up to
be hanged. Put the case that pretty nigh all the children he saw in his daily
business life he had reason to look upon as so much spawn, to develop into the
fish that were to come to his net,—to be prosecuted, defended, forsworn, made
orphans, bedevilled somehow."
"I follow you, sir."
"Put the case, Pip, that here was one pretty
little child out of the heap who could be saved; whom the father believed dead,
and dared make no stir about; as to whom, over the mother, the legal adviser
had this power: "I know what you did, and how you did it. You came so and
so, you did such and such things to divert suspicion. I have tracked you
through it all, and I tell it you all. Part with the child, unless it should be
necessary to produce it to clear you, and then it shall be produced. Give the
child into my hands, and I will do my best to bring you off. If you are saved,
your child is saved too; if you are lost, your child is still saved." Put
the case that this was done, and that the woman was cleared."
"I understand you perfectly."
"But that I make no admissions?"
"That you make no admissions." And
Wemmick repeated, "No admissions."
"Put the case, Pip, that passion and the
terror of death had a little shaken the woman's intellects, and that when she
was set at liberty, she was scared out of the ways of the world, and went to
him to be sheltered. Put the case that he took her in, and that he kept down
the old, wild, violent nature whenever he saw an inkling of its breaking out,
by asserting his power over her in the old way. Do you comprehend the imaginary
case?"
"Quite."
"Put the case that the child grew up, and was
married for money. That the mother was still living. That the father was still
living. That the mother and father, unknown to one another, were dwelling within
so many miles, furlongs, yards if you like, of one another. That the secret was
still a secret, except that you had got wind of it. Put that last case to
yourself very carefully."
"I do."
"I ask Wemmick to put it to himself very
carefully."
And Wemmick said, "I do."
"For whose sake would you reveal the secret?
For the father's? I think he would not be much the better for the mother. For
the mother's? I think if she had done such a deed she would be safer where she
was. For the daughter's? I think it would hardly serve her to establish her
parentage for the information of her husband, and to drag her back to disgrace,
after an escape of twenty years, pretty secure to last for life. But add the
case that you had loved her, Pip, and had made her the subject of those 'poor
dreams' which have, at one time or another, been in the heads of more men than
you think likely, then I tell you that you had better—and would much sooner
when you had thought well of it—chop off that bandaged left hand of yours with
your bandaged right hand, and then pass the chopper on to Wemmick there, to cut
that off too."
I looked at Wemmick, whose face was very grave. He
gravely touched his lips with his forefinger. I did the same. Mr. Jaggers did
the same. "Now, Wemmick," said the latter then, resuming his usual
manner, "what item was it you were at when Mr. Pip came in?"
Standing by for a little, while they were at work,
I observed that the odd looks they had cast at one another were repeated
several times: with this difference now, that each of them seemed suspicious,
not to say conscious, of having shown himself in a weak and unprofessional
light to the other. For this reason, I suppose, they were now inflexible with
one another; Mr. Jaggers being highly dictatorial, and Wemmick obstinately
justifying himself whenever there was the smallest point in abeyance for a
moment. I had never seen them on such ill terms; for generally they got on very
well indeed together.
But they were both happily relieved by the
opportune appearance of Mike, the client with the fur cap and the habit of
wiping his nose on his sleeve, whom I had seen on the very first day of my
appearance within those walls. This individual, who, either in his own person
or in that of some member of his family, seemed to be always in trouble (which
in that place meant Newgate), called to announce that his eldest daughter was
taken up on suspicion of shoplifting. As he imparted this melancholy
circumstance to Wemmick, Mr. Jaggers standing magisterially before the fire and
taking no share in the proceedings, Mike's eye happened to twinkle with a tear.
"What are you about?" demanded Wemmick,
with the utmost indignation. "What do you come snivelling here for?"
"I didn't go to do it, Mr. Wemmick."
"You did," said Wemmick. "How dare
you? You're not in a fit state to come here, if you can't come here without
spluttering like a bad pen. What do you mean by it?"
"A man can't help his feelings, Mr.
Wemmick," pleaded Mike.
"His what?" demanded Wemmick, quite
savagely. "Say that again!"
"Now look here my man," said Mr. Jaggers,
advancing a step, and pointing to the door. "Get out of this office. I'll
have no feelings here. Get out."
"It serves you right," said Wemmick,
"Get out."
So, the unfortunate Mike very humbly withdrew, and
Mr. Jaggers and Wemmick appeared to have re-established their good
understanding, and went to work again with an air of refreshment upon them as
if they had just had lunch.
From Little Britain I went, with my check in my
pocket, to Miss Skiffins's brother, the accountant; and Miss Skiffins's
brother, the accountant, going straight to Clarriker's and bringing Clarriker
to me, I had the great satisfaction of concluding that arrangement. It was the
only good thing I had done, and the only completed thing I had done, since I
was first apprised of my great expectations.
Clarriker informing me on that occasion that the
affairs of the House were steadily progressing, that he would now be able to
establish a small branch-house in the East which was much wanted for the
extension of the business, and that Herbert in his new partnership capacity
would go out and take charge of it, I found that I must have prepared for a
separation from my friend, even though my own affairs had been more settled.
And now, indeed, I felt as if my last anchor were loosening its hold, and I
should soon be driving with the winds and waves.
But there was recompense in the joy with which
Herbert would come home of a night and tell me of these changes, little
imagining that he told me no news, and would sketch airy pictures of himself
conducting Clara Barley to the land of the Arabian Nights, and of me going out
to join them (with a caravan of camels, I believe), and of our all going up the
Nile and seeing wonders. Without being sanguine as to my own part in those
bright plans, I felt that Herbert's way was clearing fast, and that old Bill
Barley had but to stick to his pepper and rum, and his daughter would soon be
happily provided for.
We had now got into the month of March. My left
arm, though it presented no bad symptoms, took, in the natural course, so long
to heal that I was still unable to get a coat on. My right arm was tolerably
restored; disfigured, but fairly serviceable.
On a Monday morning, when Herbert and I were at
breakfast, I received the following letter from Wemmick by the post.
"Walworth. Burn this as soon as read. Early in
the week, or say Wednesday, you might do what you know of, if you felt disposed
to try it. Now burn."
When I had shown this to Herbert and had put it in
the fire—but not before we had both got it by heart—we considered what to do.
For, of course my being disabled could now be no longer kept out of view.
"I have thought it over again and again,"
said Herbert, "and I think I know a better course than taking a Thames
waterman. Take Startop. A good fellow, a skilled hand, fond of us, and
enthusiastic and honorable."
I had thought of him more than once.
"But how much would you tell him,
Herbert?"
"It is necessary to tell him very little. Let
him suppose it a mere freak, but a secret one, until the morning comes: then
let him know that there is urgent reason for your getting Provis aboard and
away. You go with him?"
"No doubt."
"Where?"
It had seemed to me, in the many anxious
considerations I had given the point, almost indifferent what port we made
for,—Hamburg, Rotterdam, Antwerp,—the place signified little, so that he was
out of England. Any foreign steamer that fell in our way and would take us up
would do. I had always proposed to myself to get him well down the river in the
boat; certainly well beyond Gravesend, which was a critical place for search or
inquiry if suspicion were afoot. As foreign steamers would leave London at
about the time of high-water, our plan would be to get down the river by a
previous ebb-tide, and lie by in some quiet spot until we could pull off to
one. The time when one would be due where we lay, wherever that might be, could
be calculated pretty nearly, if we made inquiries beforehand.
Herbert assented to all this, and we went out
immediately after breakfast to pursue our investigations. We found that a
steamer for Hamburg was likely to suit our purpose best, and we directed our
thoughts chiefly to that vessel. But we noted down what other foreign steamers
would leave London with the same tide, and we satisfied ourselves that we knew
the build and color of each. We then separated for a few hours: I, to get at
once such passports as were necessary; Herbert, to see Startop at his lodgings.
We both did what we had to do without any hindrance, and when we met again at
one o'clock reported it done. I, for my part, was prepared with passports;
Herbert had seen Startop, and he was more than ready to join.
Those two should pull a pair of oars, we settled,
and I would steer; our charge would be sitter, and keep quiet; as speed was not
our object, we should make way enough. We arranged that Herbert should not come
home to dinner before going to Mill Pond Bank that evening; that he should not
go there at all to-morrow evening, Tuesday; that he should prepare Provis to
come down to some stairs hard by the house, on Wednesday, when he saw us
approach, and not sooner; that all the arrangements with him should be
concluded that Monday night; and that he should be communicated with no more in
any way, until we took him on board.
These precautions well understood by both of us, I
went home.
On opening the outer door of our chambers with my
key, I found a letter in the box, directed to me; a very dirty letter, though
not ill-written. It had been delivered by hand (of course, since I left home),
and its contents were these:—
"If you are not afraid to come to the old
marshes to-night or to-morrow night at nine, and to come to the little
sluice-house by the limekiln, you had better come. If you want information
regarding your uncle Provis, you had much better come and tell no one, and lose
no time. You must come alone. Bring this with you."
I had had load enough upon my mind before the
receipt of this strange letter. What to do now, I could not tell. And the worst
was, that I must decide quickly, or I should miss the afternoon coach, which
would take me down in time for to-night. To-morrow night I could not think of
going, for it would be too close upon the time of the flight. And again, for
anything I knew, the proffered information might have some important bearing on
the flight itself.
If I had had ample time for consideration, I
believe I should still have gone. Having hardly any time for consideration,—my
watch showing me that the coach started within half an hour,—I resolved to go.
I should certainly not have gone, but for the reference to my Uncle Provis.
That, coming on Wemmick's letter and the morning's busy preparation, turned the
scale.
It is so difficult to become clearly possessed of
the contents of almost any letter, in a violent hurry, that I had to read this
mysterious epistle again twice, before its injunction to me to be secret got
mechanically into my mind. Yielding to it in the same mechanical kind of way, I
left a note in pencil for Herbert, telling him that as I should be so soon
going away, I knew not for how long, I had decided to hurry down and back, to
ascertain for myself how Miss Havisham was faring. I had then barely time to
get my great-coat, lock up the chambers, and make for the coach-office by the
short by-ways. If I had taken a hackney-chariot and gone by the streets, I
should have missed my aim; going as I did, I caught the coach just as it came
out of the yard. I was the only inside passenger, jolting away knee-deep in
straw, when I came to myself.
For I really had not been myself since the receipt
of the letter; it had so bewildered me, ensuing on the hurry of the morning.
The morning hurry and flutter had been great; for, long and anxiously as I had
waited for Wemmick, his hint had come like a surprise at last. And now I began
to wonder at myself for being in the coach, and to doubt whether I had
sufficient reason for being there, and to consider whether I should get out
presently and go back, and to argue against ever heeding an anonymous
communication, and, in short, to pass through all those phases of contradiction
and indecision to which I suppose very few hurried people are strangers. Still,
the reference to Provis by name mastered everything. I reasoned as I had
reasoned already without knowing it,—if that be reasoning,—in case any harm
should befall him through my not going, how could I ever forgive myself!
It was dark before we got down, and the journey
seemed long and dreary to me, who could see little of it inside, and who could
not go outside in my disabled state. Avoiding the Blue Boar, I put up at an inn
of minor reputation down the town, and ordered some dinner. While it was
preparing, I went to Satis House and inquired for Miss Havisham; she was still
very ill, though considered something better.
My inn had once been a part of an ancient
ecclesiastical house, and I dined in a little octagonal common-room, like a
font. As I was not able to cut my dinner, the old landlord with a shining bald
head did it for me. This bringing us into conversation, he was so good as to
entertain me with my own story,—of course with the popular feature that
Pumblechook was my earliest benefactor and the founder of my fortunes.
"Do you know the young man?" said I.
"Know him!" repeated the landlord.
"Ever since he was—no height at all."
"Does he ever come back to this
neighborhood?"
"Ay, he comes back," said the landlord,
"to his great friends, now and again, and gives the cold shoulder to the
man that made him."
"What man is that?"
"Him that I speak of," said the landlord.
"Mr. Pumblechook."
"Is he ungrateful to no one else?"
"No doubt he would be, if he could,"
returned the landlord, "but he can't. And why? Because Pumblechook done
everything for him."
"Does Pumblechook say so?"
"Say so!" replied the landlord. "He
han't no call to say so."
"But does he say so?"
"It would turn a man's blood to white wine
winegar to hear him tell of it, sir," said the landlord.
I thought, "Yet Joe, dear Joe, you never tell
of it. Long-suffering and loving Joe, you never complain. Nor you,
sweet-tempered Biddy!"
"Your appetite's been touched like by your
accident," said the landlord, glancing at the bandaged arm under my coat.
"Try a tenderer bit."
"No, thank you," I replied, turning from
the table to brood over the fire. "I can eat no more. Please take it
away."
I had never been struck at so keenly, for my
thanklessness to Joe, as through the brazen impostor Pumblechook. The falser
he, the truer Joe; the meaner he, the nobler Joe.
My heart was deeply and most deservedly humbled as
I mused over the fire for an hour or more. The striking of the clock aroused
me, but not from my dejection or remorse, and I got up and had my coat fastened
round my neck, and went out. I had previously sought in my pockets for the
letter, that I might refer to it again; but I could not find it, and was uneasy
to think that it must have been dropped in the straw of the coach. I knew very
well, however, that the appointed place was the little sluice-house by the
limekiln on the marshes, and the hour nine. Towards the marshes I now went
straight, having no time to spare.
Chapter LIII
It was a dark night, though the full moon rose as I
left the enclosed lands, and passed out upon the marshes. Beyond their dark
line there was a ribbon of clear sky, hardly broad enough to hold the red large
moon. In a few minutes she had ascended out of that clear field, in among the
piled mountains of cloud.
There was a melancholy wind, and the marshes were
very dismal. A stranger would have found them insupportable, and even to me
they were so oppressive that I hesitated, half inclined to go back. But I knew
them well, and could have found my way on a far darker night, and had no excuse
for returning, being there. So, having come there against my inclination, I
went on against it.
The direction that I took was not that in which my
old home lay, nor that in which we had pursued the convicts. My back was turned
towards the distant Hulks as I walked on, and, though I could see the old
lights away on the spits of sand, I saw them over my shoulder. I knew the
limekiln as well as I knew the old Battery, but they were miles apart; so that,
if a light had been burning at each point that night, there would have been a
long strip of the blank horizon between the two bright specks.
At first, I had to shut some gates after me, and
now and then to stand still while the cattle that were lying in the banked-up
pathway arose and blundered down among the grass and reeds. But after a little
while I seemed to have the whole flats to myself.
It was another half-hour before I drew near to the
kiln. The lime was burning with a sluggish stifling smell, but the fires were
made up and left, and no workmen were visible. Hard by was a small
stone-quarry. It lay directly in my way, and had been worked that day, as I saw
by the tools and barrows that were lying about.
Coming up again to the marsh level out of this
excavation,—for the rude path lay through it,—I saw a light in the old
sluice-house. I quickened my pace, and knocked at the door with my hand.
Waiting for some reply, I looked about me, noticing how the sluice was abandoned
and broken, and how the house—of wood with a tiled roof—would not be proof
against the weather much longer, if it were so even now, and how the mud and
ooze were coated with lime, and how the choking vapor of the kiln crept in a
ghostly way towards me. Still there was no answer, and I knocked again. No
answer still, and I tried the latch.
It rose under my hand, and the door yielded.
Looking in, I saw a lighted candle on a table, a bench, and a mattress on a
truckle bedstead. As there was a loft above, I called, "Is there any one
here?" but no voice answered. Then I looked at my watch, and, finding that
it was past nine, called again, "Is there any one here?" There being
still no answer, I went out at the door, irresolute what to do.
It was beginning to rain fast. Seeing nothing save
what I had seen already, I turned back into the house, and stood just within
the shelter of the doorway, looking out into the night. While I was considering
that some one must have been there lately and must soon be coming back, or the
candle would not be burning, it came into my head to look if the wick were
long. I turned round to do so, and had taken up the candle in my hand, when it
was extinguished by some violent shock; and the next thing I comprehended was,
that I had been caught in a strong running noose, thrown over my head from
behind.
"Now," said a suppressed voice with an
oath, "I've got you!"
"What is this?" I cried, struggling.
"Who is it? Help, help, help!"
Not only were my arms pulled close to my sides, but
the pressure on my bad arm caused me exquisite pain. Sometimes, a strong man's
hand, sometimes a strong man's breast, was set against my mouth to deaden my
cries, and with a hot breath always close to me, I struggled ineffectually in
the dark, while I was fastened tight to the wall. "And now," said the
suppressed voice with another oath, "call out again, and I'll make short
work of you!"
Faint and sick with the pain of my injured arm,
bewildered by the surprise, and yet conscious how easily this threat could be
put in execution, I desisted, and tried to ease my arm were it ever so little.
But, it was bound too tight for that. I felt as if, having been burnt before,
it were now being boiled.
The sudden exclusion of the night, and the
substitution of black darkness in its place, warned me that the man had closed
a shutter. After groping about for a little, he found the flint and steel he
wanted, and began to strike a light. I strained my sight upon the sparks that
fell among the tinder, and upon which he breathed and breathed, match in hand,
but I could only see his lips, and the blue point of the match; even those but
fitfully. The tinder was damp,—no wonder there,—and one after another the
sparks died out.
The man was in no hurry, and struck again with the
flint and steel. As the sparks fell thick and bright about him, I could see his
hands, and touches of his face, and could make out that he was seated and
bending over the table; but nothing more. Presently I saw his blue lips again,
breathing on the tinder, and then a flare of light flashed up, and showed me
Orlick.
Whom I had looked for, I don't know. I had not
looked for him. Seeing him, I felt that I was in a dangerous strait indeed, and
I kept my eyes upon him.
He lighted the candle from the flaring match with
great deliberation, and dropped the match, and trod it out. Then he put the
candle away from him on the table, so that he could see me, and sat with his
arms folded on the table and looked at me. I made out that I was fastened to a
stout perpendicular ladder a few inches from the wall,—a fixture there,—the
means of ascent to the loft above.
"Now," said he, when we had surveyed one
another for some time, "I've got you."
"Unbind me. Let me go!"
"Ah!" he returned, "I'll let you go.
I'll let you go to the moon, I'll let you go to the stars. All in good
time."
"Why have you lured me here?"
"Don't you know?" said he, with a deadly
look.
"Why have you set upon me in the dark?"
"Because I mean to do it all myself. One keeps
a secret better than two. O you enemy, you enemy!"
His enjoyment of the spectacle I furnished, as he
sat with his arms folded on the table, shaking his head at me and hugging
himself, had a malignity in it that made me tremble. As I watched him in
silence, he put his hand into the corner at his side, and took up a gun with a
brass-bound stock.
"Do you know this?" said he, making as if
he would take aim at me. "Do you know where you saw it afore? Speak,
wolf!"
"Yes," I answered.
"You cost me that place. You did. Speak!"
"What else could I do?"
"You did that, and that would be enough,
without more. How dared you to come betwixt me and a young woman I liked?"
"When did I?"
"When didn't you? It was you as always give
Old Orlick a bad name to her."
"You gave it to yourself; you gained it for
yourself. I could have done you no harm, if you had done yourself none."
"You're a liar. And you'll take any pains, and
spend any money, to drive me out of this country, will you?" said he,
repeating my words to Biddy in the last interview I had with her. "Now,
I'll tell you a piece of information. It was never so well worth your while to
get me out of this country as it is to-night. Ah! If it was all your money
twenty times told, to the last brass farden!" As he shook his heavy hand
at me, with his mouth snarling like a tiger's, I felt that it was true.
"What are you going to do to me?"
"I'm a going," said he, bringing his fist
down upon the table with a heavy blow, and rising as the blow fell to give it
greater force,—"I'm a going to have your life!"
He leaned forward staring at me, slowly unclenched
his hand and drew it across his mouth as if his mouth watered for me, and sat
down again.
"You was always in Old Orlick's way since ever
you was a child. You goes out of his way this present night. He'll have no more
on you. You're dead."
I felt that I had come to the brink of my grave.
For a moment I looked wildly round my trap for any chance of escape; but there
was none.
"More than that," said he, folding his
arms on the table again, "I won't have a rag of you, I won't have a bone
of you, left on earth. I'll put your body in the kiln,—I'd carry two such to
it, on my Shoulders,—and, let people suppose what they may of you, they shall
never know nothing."
My mind, with inconceivable rapidity followed out
all the consequences of such a death. Estella's father would believe I had
deserted him, would be taken, would die accusing me; even Herbert would doubt
me, when he compared the letter I had left for him with the fact that I had
called at Miss Havisham's gate for only a moment; Joe and Biddy would never
know how sorry I had been that night, none would ever know what I had suffered,
how true I had meant to be, what an agony I had passed through. The death close
before me was terrible, but far more terrible than death was the dread of being
misremembered after death. And so quick were my thoughts, that I saw myself
despised by unborn generations,—Estella's children, and their children,—while
the wretch's words were yet on his lips.
"Now, wolf," said he, "afore I kill
you like any other beast,—which is wot I mean to do and wot I have tied you up
for,—I'll have a good look at you and a good goad at you. O you enemy!"
It had passed through my thoughts to cry out for
help again; though few could know better than I, the solitary nature of the
spot, and the hopelessness of aid. But as he sat gloating over me, I was
supported by a scornful detestation of him that sealed my lips. Above all
things, I resolved that I would not entreat him, and that I would die making
some last poor resistance to him. Softened as my thoughts of all the rest of
men were in that dire extremity; humbly beseeching pardon, as I did, of Heaven;
melted at heart, as I was, by the thought that I had taken no farewell, and
never now could take farewell of those who were dear to me, or could explain
myself to them, or ask for their compassion on my miserable errors,—still, if I
could have killed him, even in dying, I would have done it.
He had been drinking, and his eyes were red and
bloodshot. Around his neck was slung a tin bottle, as I had often seen his meat
and drink slung about him in other days. He brought the bottle to his lips, and
took a fiery drink from it; and I smelt the strong spirits that I saw flash
into his face.
"Wolf!" said he, folding his arms again,
"Old Orlick's a going to tell you somethink. It was you as did for your
shrew sister."
Again my mind, with its former inconceivable
rapidity, had exhausted the whole subject of the attack upon my sister, her
illness, and her death, before his slow and hesitating speech had formed these
words.
"It was you, villain," said I.
"I tell you it was your doing,—I tell you it
was done through you," he retorted, catching up the gun, and making a blow
with the stock at the vacant air between us. "I come upon her from behind,
as I come upon you to-night. I giv' it her! I left her for dead, and if there
had been a limekiln as nigh her as there is now nigh you, she shouldn't have
come to life again. But it warn't Old Orlick as did it; it was you. You was
favored, and he was bullied and beat. Old Orlick bullied and beat, eh? Now you
pays for it. You done it; now you pays for it."
He drank again, and became more ferocious. I saw by
his tilting of the bottle that there was no great quantity left in it. I
distinctly understood that he was working himself up with its contents to make
an end of me. I knew that every drop it held was a drop of my life. I knew that
when I was changed into a part of the vapor that had crept towards me but a
little while before, like my own warning ghost, he would do as he had done in
my sister's case,—make all haste to the town, and be seen slouching about there
drinking at the alehouses. My rapid mind pursued him to the town, made a
picture of the street with him in it, and contrasted its lights and life with
the lonely marsh and the white vapor creeping over it, into which I should have
dissolved.
It was not only that I could have summed up years
and years and years while he said a dozen words, but that what he did say
presented pictures to me, and not mere words. In the excited and exalted state
of my brain, I could not think of a place without seeing it, or of persons
without seeing them. It is impossible to overstate the vividness of these
images, and yet I was so intent, all the time, upon him himself,—who would not
be intent on the tiger crouching to spring!—that I knew of the slightest action
of his fingers.
When he had drunk this second time, he rose from
the bench on which he sat, and pushed the table aside. Then, he took up the
candle, and, shading it with his murderous hand so as to throw its light on me,
stood before me, looking at me and enjoying the sight.
"Wolf, I'll tell you something more. It was
Old Orlick as you tumbled over on your stairs that night."
I saw the staircase with its extinguished lamps. I
saw the shadows of the heavy stair-rails, thrown by the watchman's lantern on
the wall. I saw the rooms that I was never to see again; here, a door half
open; there, a door closed; all the articles of furniture around.
"And why was Old Orlick there? I'll tell you
something more, wolf. You and her have pretty well hunted me out of this
country, so far as getting a easy living in it goes, and I've took up with new
companions, and new masters. Some of 'em writes my letters when I wants 'em
wrote,—do you mind?—writes my letters, wolf! They writes fifty hands; they're
not like sneaking you, as writes but one. I've had a firm mind and a firm will
to have your life, since you was down here at your sister's burying. I han't
seen a way to get you safe, and I've looked arter you to know your ins and
outs. For, says Old Orlick to himself, 'Somehow or another I'll have him!'
What! When I looks for you, I finds your uncle Provis, eh?"
Mill Pond Bank, and Chinks's Basin, and the Old
Green Copper Ropewalk, all so clear and plain! Provis in his rooms, the signal
whose use was over, pretty Clara, the good motherly woman, old Bill Barley on
his back, all drifting by, as on the swift stream of my life fast running out
to sea!
"You with a uncle too! Why, I know'd you at
Gargery's when you was so small a wolf that I could have took your weazen
betwixt this finger and thumb and chucked you away dead (as I'd thoughts o'
doing, odd times, when I see you loitering amongst the pollards on a Sunday),
and you hadn't found no uncles then. No, not you! But when Old Orlick come for
to hear that your uncle Provis had most like wore the leg-iron wot Old Orlick
had picked up, filed asunder, on these meshes ever so many year ago, and wot he
kep by him till he dropped your sister with it, like a bullock, as he means to
drop you—hey?—when he come for to hear that—hey?"
In his savage taunting, he flared the candle so
close at me that I turned my face aside to save it from the flame.
"Ah!" he cried, laughing, after doing it
again, "the burnt child dreads the fire! Old Orlick knowed you was burnt,
Old Orlick knowed you was smuggling your uncle Provis away, Old Orlick's a
match for you and know'd you'd come to-night! Now I'll tell you something more,
wolf, and this ends it. There's them that's as good a match for your uncle
Provis as Old Orlick has been for you. Let him 'ware them, when he's lost his
nevvy! Let him 'ware them, when no man can't find a rag of his dear relation's
clothes, nor yet a bone of his body. There's them that can't and that won't
have Magwitch,—yes, I know the name!—alive in the same land with them, and
that's had such sure information of him when he was alive in another land, as
that he couldn't and shouldn't leave it unbeknown and put them in danger.
P'raps it's them that writes fifty hands, and that's not like sneaking you as
writes but one. 'Ware Compeyson, Magwitch, and the gallows!"
He flared the candle at me again, smoking my face
and hair, and for an instant blinding me, and turned his powerful back as he
replaced the light on the table. I had thought a prayer, and had been with Joe
and Biddy and Herbert, before he turned towards me again.
There was a clear space of a few feet between the
table and the opposite wall. Within this space, he now slouched backwards and
forwards. His great strength seemed to sit stronger upon him than ever before,
as he did this with his hands hanging loose and heavy at his sides, and with
his eyes scowling at me. I had no grain of hope left. Wild as my inward hurry
was, and wonderful the force of the pictures that rushed by me instead of
thoughts, I could yet clearly understand that, unless he had resolved that I
was within a few moments of surely perishing out of all human knowledge, he would
never have told me what he had told.
Of a sudden, he stopped, took the cork out of his
bottle, and tossed it away. Light as it was, I heard it fall like a plummet. He
swallowed slowly, tilting up the bottle by little and little, and now he looked
at me no more. The last few drops of liquor he poured into the palm of his
hand, and licked up. Then, with a sudden hurry of violence and swearing
horribly, he threw the bottle from him, and stooped; and I saw in his hand a
stone-hammer with a long heavy handle.
The resolution I had made did not desert me, for,
without uttering one vain word of appeal to him, I shouted out with all my
might, and struggled with all my might. It was only my head and my legs that I
could move, but to that extent I struggled with all the force, until then
unknown, that was within me. In the same instant I heard responsive shouts, saw
figures and a gleam of light dash in at the door, heard voices and tumult, and
saw Orlick emerge from a struggle of men, as if it were tumbling water, clear
the table at a leap, and fly out into the night.
After a blank, I found that I was lying unbound, on
the floor, in the same place, with my head on some one's knee. My eyes were
fixed on the ladder against the wall, when I came to myself,—had opened on it
before my mind saw it,—and thus as I recovered consciousness, I knew that I was
in the place where I had lost it.
Too indifferent at first, even to look round and
ascertain who supported me, I was lying looking at the ladder, when there came
between me and it a face. The face of Trabb's boy!
"I think he's all right!" said Trabb's
boy, in a sober voice; "but ain't he just pale though!"
At these words, the face of him who supported me
looked over into mine, and I saw my supporter to be—
"Herbert! Great Heaven!"
"Softly," said Herbert. "Gently,
Handel. Don't be too eager."
"And our old comrade, Startop!" I cried,
as he too bent over me.
"Remember what he is going to assist us
in," said Herbert, "and be calm."
The allusion made me spring up; though I dropped
again from the pain in my arm. "The time has not gone by, Herbert, has it?
What night is to-night? How long have I been here?" For, I had a strange
and strong misgiving that I had been lying there a long time—a day and a
night,—two days and nights,—more.
"The time has not gone by. It is still Monday
night."
"Thank God!"
"And you have all to-morrow, Tuesday, to rest
in," said Herbert. "But you can't help groaning, my dear Handel. What
hurt have you got? Can you stand?"
"Yes, yes," said I, "I can walk. I
have no hurt but in this throbbing arm."
They laid it bare, and did what they could. It was
violently swollen and inflamed, and I could scarcely endure to have it touched.
But, they tore up their handkerchiefs to make fresh bandages, and carefully
replaced it in the sling, until we could get to the town and obtain some
cooling lotion to put upon it. In a little while we had shut the door of the
dark and empty sluice-house, and were passing through the quarry on our way
back. Trabb's boy—Trabb's overgrown young man now—went before us with a
lantern, which was the light I had seen come in at the door. But, the moon was
a good two hours higher than when I had last seen the sky, and the night,
though rainy, was much lighter. The white vapor of the kiln was passing from us
as we went by, and as I had thought a prayer before, I thought a thanksgiving
now.
Entreating Herbert to tell me how he had come to my
rescue,—which at first he had flatly refused to do, but had insisted on my
remaining quiet,—I learnt that I had in my hurry dropped the letter, open, in
our chambers, where he, coming home to bring with him Startop whom he had met
in the street on his way to me, found it, very soon after I was gone. Its tone
made him uneasy, and the more so because of the inconsistency between it and
the hasty letter I had left for him. His uneasiness increasing instead of
subsiding, after a quarter of an hour's consideration, he set off for the
coach-office with Startop, who volunteered his company, to make inquiry when
the next coach went down. Finding that the afternoon coach was gone, and
finding that his uneasiness grew into positive alarm, as obstacles came in his
way, he resolved to follow in a post-chaise. So he and Startop arrived at the
Blue Boar, fully expecting there to find me, or tidings of me; but, finding
neither, went on to Miss Havisham's, where they lost me. Hereupon they went
back to the hotel (doubtless at about the time when I was hearing the popular
local version of my own story) to refresh themselves and to get some one to
guide them out upon the marshes. Among the loungers under the Boar's archway
happened to be Trabb's Boy,—true to his ancient habit of happening to be
everywhere where he had no business,—and Trabb's boy had seen me passing from Miss
Havisham's in the direction of my dining-place. Thus Trabb's boy became their
guide, and with him they went out to the sluice-house, though by the town way
to the marshes, which I had avoided. Now, as they went along, Herbert
reflected, that I might, after all, have been brought there on some genuine and
serviceable errand tending to Provis's safety, and, bethinking himself that in
that case interruption must be mischievous, left his guide and Startop on the
edge of the quarry, and went on by himself, and stole round the house two or
three times, endeavouring to ascertain whether all was right within. As he
could hear nothing but indistinct sounds of one deep rough voice (this was
while my mind was so busy), he even at last began to doubt whether I was there,
when suddenly I cried out loudly, and he answered the cries, and rushed in,
closely followed by the other two.
When I told Herbert what had passed within the
house, he was for our immediately going before a magistrate in the town, late
at night as it was, and getting out a warrant. But, I had already considered
that such a course, by detaining us there, or binding us to come back, might be
fatal to Provis. There was no gainsaying this difficulty, and we relinquished
all thoughts of pursuing Orlick at that time. For the present, under the
circumstances, we deemed it prudent to make rather light of the matter to Trabb's
boy; who, I am convinced, would have been much affected by disappointment, if
he had known that his intervention saved me from the limekiln. Not that Trabb's
boy was of a malignant nature, but that he had too much spare vivacity, and
that it was in his constitution to want variety and excitement at anybody's
expense. When we parted, I presented him with two guineas (which seemed to meet
his views), and told him that I was sorry ever to have had an ill opinion of
him (which made no impression on him at all).
Wednesday being so close upon us, we determined to
go back to London that night, three in the post-chaise; the rather, as we
should then be clear away before the night's adventure began to be talked of.
Herbert got a large bottle of stuff for my arm; and by dint of having this
stuff dropped over it all the night through, I was just able to bear its pain
on the journey. It was daylight when we reached the Temple, and I went at once
to bed, and lay in bed all day.
My terror, as I lay there, of falling ill, and
being unfitted for to-morrow, was so besetting, that I wonder it did not
disable me of itself. It would have done so, pretty surely, in conjunction with
the mental wear and tear I had suffered, but for the unnatural strain upon me
that to-morrow was. So anxiously looked forward to, charged with such
consequences, its results so impenetrably hidden, though so near.
No precaution could have been more obvious than our
refraining from communication with him that day; yet this again increased my
restlessness. I started at every footstep and every sound, believing that he
was discovered and taken, and this was the messenger to tell me so. I persuaded
myself that I knew he was taken; that there was something more upon my mind
than a fear or a presentiment; that the fact had occurred, and I had a
mysterious knowledge of it. As the days wore on, and no ill news came, as the
day closed in and darkness fell, my overshadowing dread of being disabled by
illness before to-morrow morning altogether mastered me. My burning arm
throbbed, and my burning head throbbed, and I fancied I was beginning to
wander. I counted up to high numbers, to make sure of myself, and repeated
passages that I knew in prose and verse. It happened sometimes that in the mere
escape of a fatigued mind, I dozed for some moments or forgot; then I would say
to myself with a start, "Now it has come, and I am turning
delirious!"
They kept me very quiet all day, and kept my arm
constantly dressed, and gave me cooling drinks. Whenever I fell asleep, I awoke
with the notion I had had in the sluice-house, that a long time had elapsed and
the opportunity to save him was gone. About midnight I got out of bed and went
to Herbert, with the conviction that I had been asleep for four-and-twenty
hours, and that Wednesday was past. It was the last self-exhausting effort of
my fretfulness, for after that I slept soundly.
Wednesday morning was dawning when I looked out of
window. The winking lights upon the bridges were already pale, the coming sun
was like a marsh of fire on the horizon. The river, still dark and mysterious,
was spanned by bridges that were turning coldly gray, with here and there at
top a warm touch from the burning in the sky. As I looked along the clustered
roofs, with church-towers and spires shooting into the unusually clear air, the
sun rose up, and a veil seemed to be drawn from the river, and millions of
sparkles burst out upon its waters. From me too, a veil seemed to be drawn, and
I felt strong and well.
Herbert lay asleep in his bed, and our old
fellow-student lay asleep on the sofa. I could not dress myself without help;
but I made up the fire, which was still burning, and got some coffee ready for
them. In good time they too started up strong and well, and we admitted the
sharp morning air at the windows, and looked at the tide that was still flowing
towards us.
"When it turns at nine o'clock," said
Herbert, cheerfully, "look out for us, and stand ready, you over there at
Mill Pond Bank!"
To be
continued